The FML Files · FMYCAR. Because your last car deal was an FML.
Funny s**t about car dealers. Serious tips about your money.
FML was your last car deal. These are the stories, translations and tier lists we wish someone had sent you first: crude, a little trashy, and each one ends with a move that saves real money. The F in FMYCAR? The F stands for “Finally, someone on my side.”
Read one. Send one.
Every piece is under five minutes and ends with the actually-useful part.
FML vs FMYCAR: a field guide
How to tell, in the wild, whether you’re living an FML or an FMYCAR. Spoiler: it comes down to one number.
The 7 stages of grief at the finance office
Shock, denial, anger, bargaining and the warranty menu. A guided tour of the room where deals go to get expensive.
Translating dealer-speak: what “let me talk to my manager” really means
“Let me talk to my manager,” “we’re losing money on this one,” and eight more phrases, translated into human.
Your car salesman’s tier list of excuses, ranked
Every classic dealership line, ranked S to F, with the honest version and what to say back.
Things that are less painful than a $899 “nitrogen tire” add-on
Stubbing your toe, group projects, a 4-hour layover. Things that hurt less than paying for air.
How to leave a dealership without a 6-hour hostage situation
Your keys are “with the appraiser.” It’s been four hours. Here’s the extraction plan.
The “four-square” explained with pizza
Price, trade, down, payment. Explained using a large pepperoni and a guy named Vinny who really wants you to focus on the slice.
Signs you’re about to get yo-yo financed
“Small problem with the financing, can you come back in?” The nine signs, and what to do if your phone rings.
Rating dealership coffee vs. their APR
The espresso’s a 7/10. The APR markup is a 2/10 that costs $1,700. A review.
A breakup letter to your 84-month loan
“You were there when I wanted the sunroof. But I’ve done the math.” A breakup letter, and an exit plan.
The Gen Z guide to buying a first car without getting cooked
Budget, insurance, co-signers and the dealer moves that cook first-time buyers. No cap.
Printable: car dealership bingo
Bring a friend. Mark every square the dealership hands you. Five in a row and you win the right to leave. The free square is asking for the out-the-door price.
- “What payment are you looking for?”
- Your keys vanish for the appraisal
- “Let me talk to my manager”
- Four-square worksheet appears
- Nitrogen on the addendum
- “This price is only good today”
Don’t get F’d. Get FMYCAR.
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Independent and advice-only. No dealer pays us.