A breakup letter to your 84-month loan.

Dear 84-Month Loan, we need to talk. I know this is hard. You were there for me when I wanted the nice trim with the sunroof and a payment under $600. But I’ve done some math, and I think we want different things. You want seven years. I want my life back.

The letter

When we met, you were so charming. The finance manager introduced us. You made a $35,000 car feel like $563 a month. My friends had 60-month loans and payments over $700, and I felt like I’d found a loophole.

But then I learned your secret. At 9% you’d cost me about $12,300 in interest. Your 60-month cousin would have cost about $8,600. You were charging me $3,700 just to be around longer. That’s not love. That’s a subscription.

And then there’s the other thing. The thing you never told me about. Around year two, my car was worth less than I owed you. A lot less. They call it negative equity, which is a polite way of saying I was underwater in a car I could see from my kitchen window. When I wanted to trade it in, you followed me to the next deal. Literally. They rolled you into the new loan.

I’m not saying you’re a bad loan. Some people need you. Sometimes a long term is the only way a reliable car fits a budget, and that matters. But you’re not right for me, and honestly, I don’t think you were ever meant for the sunroof trim.

I’ll always remember the low payment. I won’t miss the seven years. Please don’t follow me to my next car.

Sincerely, Me (and my future self, who has a savings account now)

How the breakup actually works

You can’t just ghost a loan. But you have real options, especially with a simple-interest loan, which most auto loans are.

• Pay extra toward principal. Even $50 a month extra on a simple-interest loan cuts interest and months. Confirm with your lender that extra payments go to principal.
• Refinance if your credit or rates have improved. The Hub covers when refinancing is worth it. Watch for a refi that only extends the term again.
• Don’t trade while you’re underwater unless you have to. Rolling negative equity into a new loan is how one bad relationship becomes two. Our negative equity guide lays out the choices.
• Keep the car longer. The cheapest car you can own is often the paid-off one in your driveway.

Signs you’re in a toxic loan relationship

• You know your payment by heart but not your interest rate.
• The car needs tires and brakes and you still have four years left.
• Your loan balance is higher than any trade offer you’ve gotten.
• Someone at a dealership said “we can just roll that into the new one.”
• You picked the term because it made the payment fit, not because you wanted seven years.

Satire about sales tactics, not people. Characters are made up; the tips are real. Laws vary by state.